• Shelly

The 2 Sides of Rejection


You know what I've noticed? Rejection hurts. Yes. I said that. Ever been kicked in the stomach? That's how rejection can feel. It can make you question your very existence and suck the breath out of you.


But...


What if there's another side to rejection?

What if rejection is more than feeling like you're not good enough? Like you don't fit in? I've had my own run with rejection, and it has caused me to freeze more than I'd like to admit.


Rejection can rear its ugly head when your physical, social, psychological, emotional, and basic needs are unmet. It starts as a child, but it can show up anytime along your journey. Regardless of where it shows up in your life, when it does, it becomes so personalized and internalized that your view of yourself derives from this place called rejection - and it's usually a negative, dark, scary, and lonely place. They say perception is reality, and I tend to agree.


But did you know there is another side to rejection? What if you could work to change your perception and see rejection from a different place? A place where it helps to build you up instead of tear you down?


Allow me to share with you three ways to see the "other" side of rejection.


#1: Rejection can mean it's time for you to reassess yourself. What are your current values; needs, and beliefs? Rejection doesn't have to mean you failed, but it can mean that there is something that doesn't fit into your value system, and sometimes that's a good thing. Have you ever wanted to date someone who rejected you, only to find out later that the person was a jerk? And then you wondered what you ever saw in that person anyway? Yup, that rejection was good and purposeful! Sometimes you have to reflect and identify your motives; are you giving yourself the short end of the stick? Reassess yourself, respect yourself, and prepare to make personal changes. :)


#2 Rejection can mean there's another door for you to walk through. No one likes to hear "no," but if all we heard was "yes"the world would have no back bone, and we would all walk around like chameleons and shape shifters, trying to fit into that next square or circle, or whatever. Sometimes hearing "no" can put a fire under your butt to go harder, to be more focused and more determined. It can serve as fuel for you to bust into something, or bust out of it for that matter. Either way, for every 10 "no's", there's a "yes" somewhere in there. It's not the end for everything, it's the end for that thing, and that's okay. There may be something bigger and better on the other side of that "no." Keep walking. Keep pushing. Keep it moving people.


#3 Rejection provides insight about the story line that is playing out in your life. Your story line may stem from some form of lack or a situation from your past and it became the lens from which you now view life. It may play out like a parent being there physically but not emotionally; or a parent being overly strict and not allowing you freedom to be you, so you were forced to believe your opinion doesn't matter; or suffering in silence from sexual abuse and keeping it to yourself because of...well, too many reasons to go into. When this happens, rejection is the main character that can dictate every move you make (or don't make). But if you can recognize that it's a story line created by your parents, or the environment, or the situation, you can learn to shut that chapter of your life and begin to create your own story line. Find the unhealthy story line, and begin to create your own story.


Now, here's the caveat.


Go back and read this again. Because you'll see that there is no indication that this is an easy process. When you deal with rejection you are chipping away at a foundation. It is a process, but there is hope. Rejection in some ways, albeit strange, can help you to flip the coin in a way that it becomes of value to your life. No one likes rejection, and we all will experience it throughout our lives But can it become a stepping stone instead of a stumbling block?


There you have it. Two sides to Rejection. How do you view rejection?


If you can identify with dealing with rejection, you know it's deep rooted from your past, and you're ready to challenge it to put it into it's proper context, reach out and let's crack the code of rejection. You've got places to go and things to do, and it's time to change the narrative.


Contact me at www.butterflyeffectccc.com



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    Butterfly Effect Counseling & Consultation Center

    Shelly Bates, M.A., LPC

    EMDR Trained

    Brainspotting (BSP) Practitioner

    Mindfulness Coach

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    Suite 206-C

    Richardson, Texas 75080

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